The Legacy of Vashna: Corrections
Key
Erratum (Uncorrected)
Erratum (Corrected)
Erratum (Rejected)
Non-erratum (Uncorrected)
Non-erratum (Corrected)
Non-erratum (Rejected)
Footnote (Unimplemented)
Footnote (Implemented)
Footnote (Rejected)
Unknown (erratum vs. non-erratum)
Comment
Jonathan Blake
David Davis
Ingo Klöcker
Simon Osborne
Timothy Pederick
Keith Sheldon
Jennifer Sigman
Corrections
The Story So Far . . . #1: Right-Handed Magic -> Right-handed Magic
compare Left-handed Magic in PAMoS
redundant with the more complete issue #3
The Story So Far . . . #2: elite -> élite
as per PAMoS
Corrected, please verify errata/non-errata
It is definitely Errata; élite is always spelled 'elite' in TSSF throughout the series, to the best of my knowledge.
The Story So Far . . . #6: vigilant for he fears -> vigilant, for he fears
Disagree with these commas
The word "for" is a valid conjunction requiring a comma to separate clauses.
The Story So Far . . . #9: practitioners of Right-Handed Magic -> practitioners of Right-handed magic
Left-handed and Old Kingdom above have a lower-case "magic, and "Handed" should be lower-case.
redundant with issue #3
The Story So Far . . . #10: their new-found responsibilities -> their newfound responsibilities
This has already been fixed in the Project Aon version.
I found "new-found skills" and "newfound responsibilities" in this section. Are both errata?
Yes, in the original text both occurrences are in the hyphenated form.
The Story So Far . . . #14: Paragraph 13, Line 6: "extra vigilant". I would write this as a compound, "extra-vigilant"
"Extra" is a perfectly cromulent adverb - no need for a hyphen.
The Story So Far . . . #18: Vashna's body, and those of his loathsome troops, was -> Vashna's body, and those of his loathsome troops, were
However, I don't much like this correction. I think it would be better to alter it this way--Vashna's body, along with those of his loathsome troops, was . . . because that keeps the subject fixed on Vashna and not on his army.
I like your correction better.
The Game Rules #1: that you will find in the front of this book. For ease of use, and for further adventuring, it is recommended that you photocopy these pages
Remove this.
The Game Rules #4: The Discipline bonuses mentioned do not affect your permanent scores. If you have completed previous adventures, the Disciplines that you have mastered may still be beneficial. See the Grand Master Rules section of the Rules Handbook for details.
copied directly from TDC.
The Game Rules #5: Note that this list is not identical to the one used in The Plague Lords of Ruel: this list is missing the Silver Bracers and Korlinium Scabbard. These items are restored to the list of permissible items from the Kai and Magnakai series again in The Deathlord of Ixia. Presumably, therefore, it should be permissible to leave the Silver Bracers and Korlinium Scabbard in safekeeping at the monastery during the intervening books and retrieve them at the outset of The Deathlord of Ixia.
copied directly from TDC.
. . . Disciplines #1: If you successfully complete the mission as set in this, the first of the Lone Wolf Grand Master series jb: check all books for this, you may add a further Grand Master Discipline of your choice to your Action Chart in Book 16. -> If you successfully complete the mission as set in this, the fourth of the Lone Wolf Grand Master series, you may add a further Grand Master Discipline of your choice to your Action Chart in Book 17.
Still need to check for occurrences of this error in previous books.
. . . Disciplines #2: Grand Defender, with which you -> Grand Defender, at which you
"With" makes the rank sound like a possession, "at" might not be the best answer, but sounds more appropriate.
It's common for ranks, Disciplines, etc. to be referred to like possessions. I think it's just a quirk of Joe Dever's style, not necessarily something to correct.
Although I tend to agree that "at" sounds better, I don't think it makes so much difference that I want to start correcting every instance of it in all of the books.
. . . Disciplines #3: hearing, smell and night vision. -> hearing, smell, and night vision
Comma for last item in a list before "and"?
Disagree with these commas
We've adopted using the serial comma in lists of three or more items. Famous example of how things can go very wrong without it: book dedication "To my parents, Ayn Rand and God".
. . . Disciplines #4:
Newsletter 24 contains the following information: "Please note that in some early editions of Grand Master gamebooks 13-17 a literal error appears in the rules for the Grand Master Discipline of Deliverance. The section should read "their ENDURANCE is reduced to 8 points or less" (not "COMBAT SKILL" is reduced).
. . . Disciplines #8: COMBAT SKILL is reduced to 8 -> ENDURANCE is reduced to 8
redundant with #4
Equipment #2: jb: update for this book and add to errata These are always carried in the Belt Pouch. It will hold a maximum of fifty Crowns. The currency of Nyras is the Kika. The exchange rate is 10 Kika for 1 Gold Crown. -> The currency of Magador is the Gold Crown. These are always carried in the Belt Pouch. It will hold a maximum of fifty Crowns.
Omitted from the original book.
Equipment #3: it adds 3 points to your -> it adds 5 points to your
This has already been corrected in the PA version.
Equipment #4: Wolf adventures. (Books 1-14), -> Wolf adventures (Books 1-15),
Two errors: eliminate period between adventures and ( and change 14 to 15.
Equipment #5: Magador you take -> Magador, you take
Disagree with these commas
Long initial adverbial phrase needs a comma.
Equipment #6: map of the area -> map of the Maakengorge and surrounding territories
And remove "(see the inside front cover of this book)"
Equipment #8: (see the inside front cover of this book
remove this.
Equipment #10: safe-keeping -> safekeeping
redundant with #8
Equipment #14: adds 3 points -> adds 5 points
redundant with #3
Equipment #16: map of the the Maakengorge -> map of the Maakengorge
Rules for Combat #1: reducing his ENDURANCE points -> reducing its ENDURANCE points
Encompasses female opponents as well as creatures of unknown gender.
Seems a bit PC for my tastes. ;) "His" is (or was, before the PC police attacked the language) an acceptable pronoun for nonspecific genders.
I'm not a fan of gender neutral revisionism either.
Rules for Combat #3: on the page after the Random Number Table -> in the back of this book
Improved . . . Disciplines #5: kinds of surface, -> kinds of surfaces,
Disagreed. Only kind needs to be pluralised. One kind of surface, many kinds of surface.
I think a good analogy is "many different kinds of people" - you wouldn't say "many different kinds of person".
Improved . . . Disciplines #7: Kai-Blast -> Kai-blast
Everything else that is hyphenated is lower-case for the second word. Should this follow suit?
redundant with #1 - but yes, it should be lowercase
Improved . . . Disciplines #8: Grand Mastery you will -> Grand Mastery, you will
This is the original script, but the PA version may be correct. It seemed right with a comma to me.
There's definitely a comma in the original text ("...higher levels of Kai Grand Mastery, you will...") Whether it should be there or not is another matter.
Improved . . . Disciplines #9: Paragraph headed "Kai Surge" - A footnote may be required to further explain the rules for Kai-Blast. Firstly, how do you generate a random result between 2 and 18? Presumably the idea is to add two picks from the Random Number Table (which is not actually stated in the description) but this gives a range of 0-18. Should you: a) Treat any result of 0-1 as 2? b) Re-pick any 0s you get from the RNT? Option a) makes Kai-Blast less powerful, of course. It trebles the chance of doing 2 EP damage to your opponent at a cost of 4 EP to yourself. Secondly, no indication is given of whether it is permissible to use Kai-Blast over and over again instead of actually fighting your opponent - should any kind of limitation be stipulated?
I think this is accurate. It will probably be worth footnoting this in TLoV for clarity, even with the addendum of the missing sentence taken from Newsletter #24. (See "16tlov imprvdsc #9:" )
"Also, since kai blast/kai ray cannot be used in conjuction with any other mindforce attack, does it mean that during a battle where you are using Kai Surge +8 cs, and during one of the rounds you wish to use kai blast/ kai ray, you will need to reduce your cs by 8, conduct that round, include additional ep loss by yourself & enemy through kai blast, then resume your +8cs the following round?"
Added as erratum.
Improved . . . Disciplines #10: lava -> lava,
commas have been used before the word "and" in lists previously in book
This is errata.
Improved . . . Disciplines #11:
Were we ever going to add a footnote, explaining the means by which one resolves a Kai-blast? If I recall, there was an official ruling on this. It might be helpful to mention it here.
Newsletter 24: "In Lone Wolf 16, the Improved Discipline of Kai-surge (at rank of Sun Lord) is not fully explained (a sentence is missing from the paragraph). A Kai Sun Lord using Kai Blast (Errata, should say Kai-blast) determines the damage inflicted on an enemy by picking two numbers from the Random Number Table. These numbers should be added together (a '0' = 1) and the resultant total equals the damage inflicted."
redundant with #9
Improved . . . Disciplines #18: How often can a Kai-blast be used? How is a number between 2 and 18 generated?
I would venture 'once per combat'. I would advocate pick two numbers, ignoring all 0s.
There's nothing official that I can see leaving this open to reader's preference.
Actually, I think this can go away. Having played around with the LWAC java program, since the enemy gets to fight back each round, there appears to be no reason to limit the number of Kai-blasts a Kai Grand Master can make per combat. Perhaps instead footnote that you must conduct the round of combat as normal, but ignore all points lost by your opponent. I confess I never worked that out before now. >_<
. . . Wisdom #1: the completion Of this -> the completion of this
. . . Wisdom #2: Incorrect order
In my UK copy of TLoV, Grand Master's Wisdom appears before Improved Grand Master Disciplines and Levels of Kai Grand Mastership. Books 17 and 18 also have this change in order, but books 19 and 20 have the normal order.
Made note of this change in the errata list.
1 #1: skyship Skyrider. -> skyship, Skyrider.
1 #2: "aided by your innate Kai skills of invisibility" Invisibility? This is a question of house style more than anything else, but the book is consistent throughout. I will assume PA intends to follow suit, please advise me if wrong.
This seems to be referred to in the generic sense encompassing Camouflage and Invisibility.
1 #4: Also in this section you are given a scroll without any instruction to record it on your Action Chart. The same happens with the Deathstaff later on. Should any footnotes be added in these cases?
2 #1: animal kinship -> Animal Kinship
capitalise discipline name
2 #2: of animal kinship. -> of Animal Kinship.
The Kai Disciplines were always capitalized in books 1-5.
redundant with #1
2 #3: the first-floor window -> the first floor window
"first-floor" is correct when used as an adjective, but if you're referring to the first floor of a building. . .
3 #1: Knight, or higher, turn to 31. -> Knight or higher, turn to 31.
3 #2: "the basalt island and the entire fiery plain beyond is engulfed" "are engulfed"? Both things are engulfed.
6 #1: upper tier and -> upper tier, and
6 #2: This is the correct answer to the Crystal Dais code puzzlein Section 164.
7 #1: Huntmastery and Assimilance
italicise and
8 #1: boat which is -> boat, which is
8 #2: first-floor ruins of -> first floor ruins of
cf. Section 2 #3
9 #1: panther you leap -> panther, you leap
9 #2: appear but the -> appear, but the
9 #3: in hand you climb -> in hand, you climb
10 #1: This is the correct answer to Shamath's riddle in section 189.
11 #1: most-favoured -> most favoured
seems idiosyncratic, if permissible, and PAMoS appears to support me on it
11 #2: horse-meat -> horsemeat
as in 208
11 #3: rounds, by turning -> rounds by turning
11 #4: Sun Knight, or higher, -> Sun Knight or higher,
11 #5: skull and, as the -> skull, and as the
11 #6: weakened state and this -> weakened state, and this
11 #7: Vorndarol jackals -> Vorndarol Jackals
11 #8: rounds, by turning -> rounds by turning
redundant with #3
11 #9: Durncrag scavenger -> Durncrag Scavenger
12 #1: morning sun and the -> morning sun, and the
14 #1: two rounds, by turning -> two rounds by turning
14 #2: Vakovarian brigand captain -> Vakovarian Brigand Captain
15 #1: strong will and you -> strong will, and you
16 #1: T'is -> 'Tis
apostrophe at the point of contraction
16 #2: 'not less you be -> 'not 'less you be
My guess here is that "less" is a contraction for "unless", therefore using the same apostrophe to fill in missing letters as her dialect in the rest of the sentence would indicate.
16 #3: At length you come -> At length, you come
Short adverbial phrase, comma unnecessary
17 #1: is grey-bearded man -> is a grey-bearded man
19 #1: a sudden massive bolt -> a sudden, massive bolt
19 #2: energy which buckles -> energy that buckles
"which" is fine here
19 #3: erect a psi-screen to protect -> erect a Psi-screen to protect
20 #1: Vashna's Dagger -> Vashna's dagger
Unless the abbreviation of the Dagger of Vashna receives caps because it's a special item.
the point of the capitalisation is so players know whether or not they can pick up the Item in question and add it to their Action Chart
It's like the Sommerswerd - someday I hope to make some other distintion with items rather than capitalization, too much confusion
20 #2: "from the tip of Vashna's Dagger" -> "from the tip of Vashna's dagger?"
See #1
21 #1: city guard never patrol -> city guards never patrol
"City guard" can refer to a unit of guardsmen, as well as its members.
21 #2: open doorway and the -> open doorway, and the
Both work fine without commas, to my reading.
comma necessary to separate independant clauses.
21 #3: This section assumes you have 1 GC, but you may have spent all your money already...
23 #1: your sixth sense, -> your Sixth Sense,
This Discipline was always capitalized in the earlier books.
If it were any other Discipline, I'd agree, and if it were anyone but a Kai Lord, I'd disagree. As it is, it's hard to say. Unlike other Disciplines, it works fine without a capital, and drawing attention to it serves no purpose--Sixth Sense is assumed at this point, and so this is just flavour text. As such, I think it works better without capitals.
There are other examples where other assumed Disciplines are used and capitalized. The safe answer is to capitalize this one to fend off the impression of a mistake.
25 #1: The brigands give chase but they soon lose you among the dense pines and they give up the pursuit. -> The brigands give chase but they soon lose you among the dense pines and give up the pursuit.
No need to repeat the subject pronoun, IMO.
The brigands give chase, but they soon lose you among the dense pines and give up the pursuit.
25 #2: Rather than fight them you decide it better to escape whilst you still can and so you take to your heels, pausing only to snatch up the captain's satchel as you leave. -> Rather than fight them, you decide it better to escape whilst you still can; you take to your heels, pausing only to snatch up the captain's satchel as you leave.
Reads like a run-on sentence, although it may be fine grammatically.
Reads well enough to me, though it could perhaps do with a comma after "fight them".
With one exception - a new sentence instead of a semicolon.
25 #3: brigand captain -> Brigand Captain
not sure about this one
According to our manual of style, "Captain" only when before person's name, not on its own.
29 #1: 'You will not escape this time,' shouts Cadak, as if he has been reading your mind. 'Not while I am alive.' -> 'You will not escape this time!' shouts Cadak, as if he has been reading your mind. 'Not while I am alive!'
Since he's shouting, shouldn't this be imperative?
The exclamation mark isn't mandatory, and it actually strikes me as redundant since we're told he's shouting anyway.
29 #2: second strike an umbrella -> second strike, an umbrella
Both work fine without commas, to my reading.
29 #3: Bow and arrow -> Bow and Arrow
30 #1: Remove "or higher"
Sun Lord is highest rank possible for this book.
31 #1: prey on which -> prey with which
Both are acceptable, "on which to feed" is a rearrangement of the verb "to feed on".
31 #2: life force -> life-force
as in the PAMoS
32 #1: plateau which is -> plateau that is
*or* plateau, which is
Disagreed. This is IMO one of those technical rules like not ending a sentence with a preposition.
33 #1: huntmastery -> Huntmastery
capitalise discipline name
33 #2: swarthy-face villain -> swarthy-faced villain
33 #3: Magnakai skill of huntmastery -> Magnakai skill of Huntmastery
redundant with #1
34 #1: Kraagenskul -> Kraagenskûl
36 #1: Vortex -> Vortexi
as elsewhere in this section and others
36 #2:
Is this Endurance boost meant to be a permanent addition to your current score, or merely a buffer that prevents up to 5 damage from occurring in this battle alone? Why would possessing the Sommerswerd heal you in this situation? Soaking up the psychic rays or something?
Good point. The text does explicitly state that the Combat Skill bonus is only for the duration of the fight, and then the next sentance speaks of the Endurance bonus (with no "only for the duration of this fight" caveat) - moreover, there'd be little practical point having an +5 EP bonus which only lasted for the duration of a fight, because if you really did win the fight with less than 5 EP left, and then took away the bonus 5EP in the next section, you'd be dead! /laughs/ So - that can't possibly be the intention. The question is then, is the +5EP an addition to your basic EP score? Or is it just a normal +5EP, as if you'd just swigged a potion of laumspur? (which means that your EP total can't go above the original). The former is quite a special situation - it would surely be flagged as such in the text, and it seems implausible that simply wielding the Sommerswerd against this enemy would permanently increase your EP total by 5! So it must be the rather mundane latter scenario. It is definately confusing - it's the word "add" which does it - usually the word "restore" is used. How about this footnote: If you possess the Sommerswerd, restore 5 ENDURANCE points to your total before the combat begins. Remember that your number of ENDURANCE points cannot rise above the number you have when you start the adventure." (Not sure if the second sentance is the best way to phrase this
since you could find a special item which gave you an extra few ENDURANCE points beyond the basic score you rolled at the start of the adventure
but I've lifted it directly from 'The Game Rules' page 18 of the 16tLoV.)
I would imagine this is purely for the duration of the combat. If, during the combat, you lose less than 5 EPs, you must reduce your EP total to your original amount before the battle. If you lose 5 or more, leave your EP score unchanged.
The originally published edition of this book instructed you to add 5 points to your ENDURANCE score. We believe that our alteration to specify restoration instead of addition is closer to the intent of the author. The original led to several questions. Would this additional score be a permanent increase of your maximum ENDURANCE? Permanent alterations of basic scores in the middle of an adventure are rare making this option unlikely. Nor does the context support this conclusion. Then would this addition only be for the duration of the combat similar to the bonus to COMBAT SKILL? This makes the bonus useless. If you were to complete the combat with fewer than 5 ENDURANCE points remaining and then removed the bonus after the combat was over, you would be just as dead as without the bonus. Another proposal was that you should remove the bonus from your score only if it leaves your score above the normal maximum after the combat. Although reasonable, this probably wasn't the intent of the author since he didn't specify this procedure. We have opted for the simplest, most straightforward choice: that this is just a restorative effect.
36 #3:
If you possess the Sommerswerd, restore 5 ENDURANCE points to your total before the combat begins. Remember that your number of ENDURANCE points cannot rise above the number you have when you start the adventure.
see #2
36 #4: vortexi -> Vortexi
39 #1: six rounds, by turning -> six rounds by turning
39 #2: Magnakai curing skills -> Magnakai Curing skills
39 #3: Vakovarian brigands -> Vakovarian Brigands
40 #1: 'Lightning Hand' -> Lightning Hand
and encode as Spell
42 #1: Grand Huntmastery and have reached
italicise and
44 #1: the light and in its dim -> the light, and in its dim
44 #2: Confidently you walk -> Confidently, you walk
44 #3: A dim blue vista -> A dim, blue vista
44 #7: streches -> stretches
45 #1: region; -> region
stray semicolon
redundant with #4
45 #2: says, as he places -> says as he places
45 #3: near to a tributary -> near a tributary
Sounds better (IMO)
The original wording seems OK to me, but . . .
"Near TO a tributary" scans better when read out loud
45 #4: this region; has been -> this region has been
This semi-colon appears to be a comma with an ink-smudge above it, a bit too far to the right to have been intended as a dot. Anyone else agree? Either way, it doesn't belong.
An odd one. I'd suggest that it isn't actually supposed to be a semi-colon at all, in which case this is "ne", but it should certainly be changed.
noted the smudge in the errata list
45 #5: storms which have swept -> storms that have swept
45 #6: parchment which he spreads -> parchment, which he spreads
45 #7: says, as he places -> says as he places
redundant with #2
45 #8: map
encode as link to map?
I don't think this really refers to the map given in the book.
46 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
as elsewhere
48 #1: Black corvayl -> Black Corvayl
49 #1: engraving which depicts -> engraving, which depicts
50 #1: dodge them they swirl -> dodge them, they swirl
51 #1: Magnakai discipline of Nexus -> Magnakai Discipline of Nexus
52 #1: six rounds, by turning -> six rounds by turning
52 #2: psychic ability that -> psychic abilities that
Sounds better, at least IMO. Anyone else?
A case could certainly be made for this change.
54 #1: invisibility yet it -> invisibility, yet it
54 #2: Should Arch Druid Cadak be immune to Mindblast and Psi-surge? The wording of the section would seem to suggest that he is.
This was first mentioned by Andrew Godfrey in April 2003. He wrote: "Also, as a rules point on the fight with Cadak - should he not be immune to Mind Blast and Psi-Surge? This is not a transcription error - just a consideration of a few other points. Firstly, in Bk13, the Cener High Priest that you fight is immune to both, and Cadak is surely just a more powerful version of him. Secondly, if you attack him with Kai Surge in passage 267, it says his 'inner mind is well-shielded.'
I can see the case for this, but does this rise above the threshold where we can say this with any weight of authority? Maybe a footnote here and in the other sections where you fight him?
55 #1: acolytes -> Acolytes
capitalise as name of the order, Acolytes of Vashna
56 #1: second storey -> second story
This isn't actually an error, but the UK-english spelling. It shouldn't be changed. Though the reverse confused me many times when I read US-published books until I discovered the variant spelling was also accurate! ;-)
56 #2: eagle eyes -> eagle-eyes
57 #1: Brotherhood spell Net -> Brotherhood Spell Net
Should we be capitalizing Spell after Brotherhood like we do Discipline after Grand Master?
yes
57 #2: 'Net' -> Net
and encode as Spell
59 #1: safety and mindful -> safety, and mindful
part of the same long clause
59 #2: bandits and you have to -> bandits, and you have to
60 #1: ascend but you -> ascend, but you
60 #2: hard pressed -> hard-pressed
as in the PAMoS
61 #1: pathsmanship -> Pathsmanship
this one's debatable--used as discipline name or not?
61 #2: outcrop which overlooks -> outcrop, which overlooks
61 #3: pathsmanship skills -> Pathsmanship skills
redundant with #1
61 #4: peak but you -> peak, buy you
^_^ I think you mean: peak but you -> peak, but you
62 #1: reach to your belt -> reach for your belt
Sounds awkward, to me anyway.
I agree it's unusual, but not incorrect.
62 #2: gods -> Gods
maybe?
63 #1: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
64 #1: huntmastery -> Huntmastery
disciple
64 #2: streets and a square -> streets, and a square
64 #3: desolate but it -> desolate, but it
64 #4: skill of huntmastery -> skill of Huntmastery
redundant with #1
66 #1: storms and has -> storms, and has
same clause - no comma
67 #1: base of a gulley -> base of a gully
71 #1: Brotherhood spell -> Brotherhood Spell
Capitalize like "Discipline"?
71 #2: 'Counterspell' -> Counterspell
and encode as Spell
72 #1: a shadow gate. Her -> a Shadow Gate. Her
Again, this is usually capitalized, although apparently not in this book.
I think Shadow Gate is always capitalised, yeah.
72 #2: closing of the shadow gate and you -> closing of the Shadow Gate, and you
Most instances of this that I've seen are capitalized, also feels like it needs a comma. Peregrine may disagree with the second suggestion. ;)
I think Shadow Gate is always capitalised, yeah.
72 #3: successful summonation -> successful summoning
Or perhaps successful resurrection?
I think summoning is a better alternative (summonation??).
72 #4: downpour you can -> downpour, you can
73 #1: flood you lose -> flood, you lose
73 #2: edge of the gulley. -> edge of the gully.
73 #3: along the gulley, -> along the gully,
74 #1: strong and you fear -> strong, and you fear
75 #1: We wern't after -> We weren't after
This might be part of the 'dialect' of the brigand, but I can't imagine eliminating a silent vowel to do so. I think it's an error.
I agree!
I agree it doesn't make sense when read aloud, but on the printed page it does serve the purpose of emphasizing his vulgarity (to use an archaic meaning of the word).
75 #2: arm lock and demand -> armlock and demand
75 #3: wern't -> weren't
redundant with #1
76 #1: Kai camouflage skills -> Kai Camouflage skills
This is an iffy one. I would definitely say to capitalize it if 'skills' were singular, but since it's plural, I'm just not sure. Have at it! :)
77 #1: furrier's -> furriers'
as in 161, 174
79 #1: dais or the Deathstaff -> dais, or the Deathstaff
80 #1: huntmastery -> Huntmastery
disciple
80 #2: desolate but it is -> desolate, but it is
82 #1: deck and the -> deck, then the
Repetetive use of "and"
see #3
82 #2: Weapons -> Weapons
not sure about this
I assume you meant "Weapons -> Weapon". I assume that you lose both weapons when you drop your belt, you're not just handing over one weapon.
82 #3: deck and the -> deck, and the
two separate clauses
83 #1: Kai Grand Guardian, turn to 36. -> Kai Grand Guardian or higher, turn to 36.
83 #2: Kai Grand Guardian, turn to 103. -> Kai Grand Guardian or higher, turn to 103.
83 #3: vortexi -> Vortexi
84 #1: pathsmanship -> Pathsmanship
not so debatable, capitalise discipline name
84 #2: Kai pathsmanship skill -> Magnakai Pathsmanship skill
Or at least "Kai Pathsmanship skill" if nothing else is changed.
84 #3: The Black Talisman is called Black Amulet everywhere else in this book! (I.e. sections 178, 294 and 323.)
86 #1: Brotherhood spell Sense Evil -> Brotherhood Spell Sense Evil
86 #2: 'Sense Evil' -> Sense Evil
and encode as Spell
87 #1: Durncrag scavengers -> Durncrag Scavengers
88 #1: clack! needs encoding as onomatopoeia.
90 #1: ice which stretches -> ice, which stretches
90 #2: drop and the great -> drop, and the great
91 #1: dawn the storm -> dawn, the storm
92 #1: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
94 #1: Crack! needs encoding as onomatopoeia.
96 #1: heat and shock of the explosion rips -> heat and shock ofthe explosion rip
I believe it's the 'heat and shock' that are doing the ripping, instead of the 'explosion'.
96 #2: flame and suddenly -> flame; suddenly
Feels like a run-on.
97 #1: Kai Blast -> Kai -Blast or Kai-blast
I know Joe lists it as Kai-Blast elsewhere, but considering the rules for Kai-surge and Psi-surge I imagine it should be lower case for the 'blast' part.
97 #2: Kai Blast -> Kai-blast
redundant with #1
97 #3: Kai Blast -> Kai-blast
redundant with #1
98 #1: one his brutish -> one, his brutish
99 #1: rounds, by turning -> rounds by turning
99 #2: Knight, or higher, -> Knight or higher
99 #3: jackals -> Jackals
x4
99 #4: Vorndarol jackals -> Vorndarol Jackals
I missed the "x4" in #3 - now fixed
100 #1: t'is -> 'tis
apostrophe at the point of contraction
100 #2: 'At first I, too, made -> 'At first, I too made
100 #3: 'Aye, t'is so,' -> Aye, 'tis so,'
redundant with #1
100 #4: t'is -> 'tis
redundant with #1
102 #1: investigate and your Kai -> investigate. Your Kai
Sounds like a run-on, IMO.
102 #2: Silently you draw -> Silently, you draw
Clause is short enough to not need comma.
103 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
103 #2: Endurance bonus
I would imagine this is purely for the duration of the combat. If, during the combat, you lose less than 5 EPs, you must reduce your EP total to your original amount before the battle. If you lose 5 or more, leave your EP score unchanged.
See 36 #2.
103 #3: If you possess the Sommerswerd, restor 5 points to your ENDURANCE score
should be restore
103 #4: If you possess the Sommerswerd, add 5 to your ENDURANCE points score. -> If you possess the Sommerswerd, restore 5 points to your ENDURANCE score.
103 #5: restor -> restore
103 #6: restor -> restore
according to the EC this has already been fixed
done
104 #1: gulley -> gully
as elsewhere
105 #1: destoyed -> destroyed
105 #2: experience at Vakovar -> experience in Vakovar
105 #3: beggar-city -> beggar city
Hyphenation in compound noun-noun OK.
105 #4: Citystate -> City-state
not sure about this one
106 #1: life force -> life-force
as in the PAMoS
107 #1: the, churning water. -> the churning water.
107 #2: 'Invisible Fist' -> Invisible Fist
and encode as Spell
107 #3: amidst the, churning -> amidst the churning
108 #1: hesitation he picks -> hesitation, he picks
109 #2: arrow -> Arrow
x2
110 #1: shadow gate beneath -> Shadow Gate beneath
110 #2: This is the correct answer to the Crystal Dais code puzzle in Section 235.
110 #3: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
111 #1: Sun Lord, or higher, -> Sun Lord or higher,
May even be able to remove "or higher" altogether, since that is the highest rank available at this point.
removed or higher
112 #1: Unless you possess Grand Huntmastery, you must eat 2 meals or lose 6 ENDURANCE points. -> Unless you possess Grand Huntmastery, you must eat 2 Meals or lose 6 ENDURANCE points.
Should there be a note about the option to eat one meal and lose only 3 EP?
112 #2: shore and you are -> shore, and you are
112 #3: jackals -> Jackals
x2
I may reconsider this someday: "Jackals" in a sentence seems too much.
113 #1: chase but they -> chase, but they
113 #2: still can and so you -> still can; you take
Or add a comma after "fight them", near the beginning of the sentence. I think this came up before. . .
Comma after "them" and "can", removed comma after "heels".
113 #3: yourself off-balance. -> yourself off balance
113 #4: brigand captain -> Brigand Captain
not sure about this
117 #1: hours' uninterrupted sleep -> hours uninterrupted sleep
Or "hours of uninterrupted sleep"
It may be colloquial, but a counterexample is "a full day's work".
118 #1: Endurance bonus
I would imagine this is purely for the duration of the combat. If, during the combat, you lose less than 5 EPs, you must reduce your EP total to your original amount before the battle. If you lose 5 or more, leave your EP score unchanged.
cf. 36 #2
118 #2: For possessing the Sommerswerd, add 5 to your ENDURANCE points score.
I'd make the language match the one above it, just for constistancy's sake (it's the same battle).
118 #3: sun-sword -> Sun-sword
I noticed this, but ignored it, on my first pass through. I had the vague notion that this had come up before and a decision had been made not to capitalize. But since you did in section 166 and 176, here's the heads-up.
118 #4: For possessing the Sommerswerd, add 5 to your ENDURANCE points score. -> For possessing the Sommerswerd, restore 5 points to your ENDURANCE score.
118 #5: sun-sword -> Sun-sword
redundant with #3
122 #1: healing -> Healing
not sure about this
123 #1: Brotherhood spell Lightning -> Brotherhood Spell Lightning
Like "Kai Discipline"
123 #2: 'Lightning Hand' -> Lightning Hand
and encode as Spell
123 #3: see 267 re Cadak's immunity to mental attacks.
124 #1: adgana -> Adgana
as in 07cd and 12tmod
124 #2: long discordant tone. -> long, discordant tone.
125 #1: reflexes are sleep-dulled -> reflexes are sleep dulled
125 #2: erect a psi-screen -> erect a Psi-screen
125 #3: far sinister origin. -> far more sinister origin.
Or "more sinister origin."
125 #4: psi-screen -> Psi-screen
not sure about this one; the context makes it an unusual usage.
redundant with #2
127 #1: If you possess Kai-alchemy, turn to 57. If you do not possess this Grand Master Discipline, turn to 282.
Is this even necessary? Obviously the player does, or they couldn't have reached this section to begin with! I think it should say "Turn to 57." at the bottom of the page.
127 #2: Brotherhood spell Levitation you -> Brotherhood Spell Levitation, you
127 #3: 'Levitation' -> Levitation
and encode as Spell
128 #1: keen sixth sense -> keen Sixth Sense
128 #2: animal control to calm -> Animal Control to calm
128 #3: mountain wolf -> Mountain Wolf
Since you never fight the wolf...
128 #4: animal control -> Animal Control
redundant with #2
129 #1: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
encode as Spell
131 #1: weapon -> Weapon
not sure about this
132 #1: including Kai Blast -> including Kai-blast
or Kai-Blast, whichever we've decided on.
132 #2: Kai Blast -> Kai-blast
redundant with #1
134 #1: an acolyte Elder comes -> an Elder comes
Does this sound wrong somehow?
135 #1: see 54 re Cadak's immunities
136 #1: Magnakai skills of invisibility -> Magnakai skills of Invisibility
136 #3: brigand leader -> Brigand Leader
not sure about this
never capitalized in this book, and doesn't rise to high enough status to stand on its own
136 #4: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
137 #1: Kai camouflage skills -> Kai Camouflage skills
137 #2: unconscious and quickly -> unconscious, and quickly
137 #3: camouflage -> Camouflage
redundant with #1
138 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
as elsewhere
139 #1: fire-escape ladder -> fire escape ladder
140 #1: battle frenzy -> battle-frenzy
as in the PAMoS
141 #1: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
142 #1: Endurance bonus
I would imagine this is purely for the duration of the combat. If, during the combat, you lose less than 5 EPs, you must reduce your EP total to your original amount before the battle. If you lose 5 or more, leave your EP score unchanged.
143 #1: 'we celebrate this -> 'We celebrate this
This may be okay, but I imagine it is the beginning of a sentence on the speakers' parts and that it should be capitalized.
143 #2: Spluttering candles -> Sputtering candles
This may be okay, but the definitions of the latter seem more like what he meant IMO.
Not enough of a difference to change this word choice - "splutter" may be an alteration of "sputter" anyway.
143 #3: words, 'we -> words, 'We
cf. sect150
redundant with #2
143 #4: You only add 2 if you possess any of the Disciplines. You do not add 4 if you possess two of the Disciplines mentioned.
144 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
144 #2: Vortexi horde swoop -> Vortexi horde swoops
Although horde refers to multiple Vortexi, the word is singular, so I think swoops is in order.
145 #1: brigand captain's -> Brigand Captain's
not sure about this one
148 #1: coited -> coiled
or something else?
148 #2: a coited heap -> a coiled heap
This is correct in the text.
redundant with #1
149 #1: command and suddenly -> command, and suddenly
150 #1: Spluttering candles dimly -> Sputtering candles dimly
Same as entry 143.
153 #1: If you do not possess these skills, or if you have yet to attain the rank of Sun Lord, turn to 232. -> If you do not possess these skills, or if you possess Telegnosis but you have yet to attain the rank of Sun Lord, turn to 232.
Seems obvious to me the way it was originally worded what one must do, but I wonder if somebody else might get confused.
I almost feel bad simplifying it down so much - feels like throwing away the author's work. *grin*
154 #1: the rusty guttering -> the rusty gutter
"guttering"is a verb, this is clearly used as a noun, hence "gutter" is the proper form of the word.
157 #1: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
158 #1: five rounds, by turning to 276. -> five rounds by turning to 276.
159 #1: mind and it makes it impossible -> mind which makes it impossible
Sounds repetetive
159 #2: vortexi -> Vortexi
161 #1: If you wish to enter the furrier's shop, turn to 226. ->If you wish to enter the furriers' shop, turn to 226.
Might be off-base on this one, but since there are multiple furriers, shouldn't this be pluralized?
162 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
162 #2: If you possess Kai-surge, add 4 to this number. If you possess Kai-screen, add 2. If you possess Assimilance, add 1. Also, if your current ENDURANCE points total is 18 or more, add 1; if your current ENDURANCE points total is 17 or less, deduct 1.
Should be one paragraph, not two.
The original seems to be separating discipline bonuses from ENDURANCE bonuses. Reasonable enough.
164 #1: legacy of vashna, page 164 and 253, missing dias puzzle illustrations...
164 #2: There is no grid of numbers
redundant with #1
164 #3: Illustration needed after third paragraph.
redundant with #1
164 #4: close the shadow gate. -> close the Shadow Gate.
164 #5: of the shadow gate. -> of the Shadow Gate.
164 #6:
It's missing the standard footnote about how you get one chance to go to the numbered section that represents the answer to the riddle
166 #1: vortex of whirling cloud is -> vortex of whirling cloudsis
Sounds better to me, anyone else?
166 #2: here, Kai lord. -> here, Kai Lord.
166 #3: in our midst,' screams Cadak, -> in our midst!' screams Cadak,
I feel his screaming requires an exclamation mark.
166 #4: sun-sword -> Sun-sword
not sure about this one
166 #5: maniacally, 'You -> maniacally. 'You
not sure about this one
166 #6: Kai lord -> Kai Lord
redundant with #2
166 #7: Sun-sword -> sun-sword
as in the PAMoS; alternatively change the PAMoS and all occurrences (at least 28) in all previous books
167 #1: Magnakai skills of invisibility -> Magnakai skills of Invisibility
167 #2: invisibility -> Invisibility
redundant with #1
167 #4: brigand leader -> Brigand Leader
not sure about this
167 #5: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
170 #1: sparks which blister -> sparks that blister
173 #1: later I fancy -> later, I fancy
not sure about this one
174 #1: the furrier's shop, -> the furriers' shop
As stated elsewhere.
175 #1: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
unsure about this one
176 #1: sun-sword -> Sun-sword
unsure about this one
176 #2: Sun-sword -> sun-sword
as in the PAMoS; alternatively change the PAMoS and all occurrences (at least 28) in all previous books
180 #1: paces for you -> paces, for you
180 #3: scavengers -> Scavengers
180 #4: Durncrag scavengers -> Durncrag Scavengers
183 #1: arrow -> Arrow
x2
183 #2: bow -> Bow
not sure about this one
184 #1: whom you almost collided with -> with whom you almost collided
185 #1: drunkard, when you -> drunkard when you
Yes, I'm actually suggesting eliminating a comma for a second time! ;)
185 #2: screwjaws -> screwjaw
since there is only one of Lone Wolf . . . ?
Doubled vision can be a side effect of a life drowning in the Bor Brew.
186 #1: your tunic, and hurl it away. -> your tunic and hurl it away.
Yes, I'm actually suggesting eliminating a comma for a change! ;)
188 #1:
The list has both a dot and a close parenthesis
188 #2: ) 6 Arrows -> 6 Arrows
x10, not sure where those parentheses in the item list came from.
redundant with #1
189 #1: Are we going to alter the riddle to offer the correct solution?
We'll wait on an answer from Joe Dever. Until then, what has been done should suffice.
195 #1: thousand jets of flame, which roar from jets set into the smooth, glassy floor. -> thousand flames, which roar from jets set into the smooth, glassy floor.
Sounds redundant IMO.
I agree, but "jets of flame" is much more evococative than a simple flame. I'd hate to lose that. Can't think of a better way to word it without losing that phrase.
197 #1: man on to the balcony, turn to 9. -> man onto the balcony, turn to 9.
198 #1: its gaping jaw. -> its gaping jaws.
Sounds better IMO.
200 #1: face it you see, two -> face it, you see two
Or perhaps eliminate this comma altogether.
200 #2: acolyte Elders -> Acolyte Elders
200 #3: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
200 #4: counter-attack -> counterattack
as in the PAMoS
203 #1: Vakovarian bandits -> Vakovarian Bandits
204 #1: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
205 #1: Sun Lord, or higher, turn to 229. -> Sun Lord, turn to 229.
Sun Lord is currently the maximum attainable rank.
207 #1: Huntmastery you must -> Huntmastery, you must
208 #1: after four rounds, by turning to 222. -> after four rounds by turning to 222.
208 #2: Sun Knight, or higher, you -> Sun Knight or higher, you
208 #3: their most-favoured food: -> their favorite food:
Or 'their most favoured food:'
most favoured
208 #4: Durncrag scavenger -> Durncrag Scavenger
208 #5: jackals -> Jackals
x4
209 #1: so you suddenly -> so, you suddenly
209 #2: skill of animal kinship. -> skill of Animal Kinship.
209 #3: animal kinship -> Animal Kinship
redundant with #2
209 #4: gulley -> gully
as elsewhere
211 #1: camouflage -> Camouflage
212 #1: Brotherhood spell -> Brotherhood Spell
If we are changing to this format.
212 #2: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
213 #1: her, Kai lord? -> her, Kai Lord?
213 #2: Kai lord -> Kai Lord
redundant with #1
217 #1: healing -> Healing
not sure about this one
222 #1: horse to the gallop -> horse to a gallop
222 #2: jackals -> Jackals
x2
223 #1: gulley -> gully
as elsewhere, occurs twice
225 #1: of the shadow gate. -> of the Shadow Gate.
226 #1: Coney-skin mitts -> Coney-skin Mitts
226 #2: Wolfskin cloaks -> Wolfskin Cloaks
226 #3: Wildcat pelts -> Wildcat Pelts
226 #4: Bearskin cloaks -> Bearskin Cloaks
226 #5: White wolf pelts -> White Wolf Pelts
226 #6: Kalkoth hides -> Kalkoth Hides
226 #7: Black corvayl cloaks -> Black Corvayl Cloaks
226 #8: furrier's -> furriers'
as in 161, 174
227 #1: furs clutching a loaded -> furs and clutching a loaded
228 #1: here, Kai lord. -> here, Kai Lord.
228 #2: Kai lord -> Kai Lord
redundant with #
229 #1: Kai blast -> Kai-blast
x2 unsure about this one
229 #2: Endurance bonus
I would imagine this is purely for the duration of the combat. If, during the combat, you lose less than 5 EPs, you must reduce your EP total to your original amount before the battle. If you lose 5 or more, leave your EP score unchanged.
229 #3: Is this a Kai-blast without EP penalty?
Footnote that LW should really lose 4EP.
230 #1: in a horseshoe circle -> in a horseshoe shape
If it's shaped like a horseshoe, it isn't a circle, is it?
232 #1: Crypt spawn: COMBAT -> Crypt Spawn: COMBAT
232 #2: cloud of crypt spawn -> cloud of Crypt Spawn
232 #3: crypt spawn -> Crypt-spawn
I think this is how it is presented in the preceding books
redundant with #2
233 #1: glittering ice which -> glittering ice, which
Due to length of sentence.
I can understand the urge to break up the sentence, but I just don't like separating the adjective phrase from what it modifies.
233 #2: freezes and -> freezes, and
234 #1: amulet -> Amulet
x2
x3
o
234 #2: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
235 #1:
Illustration still needs to be added.
235 #2: shadow gate in time. -> Shadow Gate in time.
235 #3:
It's missing the standard footnote about how you get one chance to go to the numbered section that represents the answer to the riddle
236 #1: weapon -> Weapon
x2
238 #1: questioning
first instance should be italicised
239 #1: here, Kai lord. -> here, Kai Lord.
239 #2: Kai lord -> Kai Lord
redundant with #1
241 #1: Your Kai hunting skills -> Your Kai Hunting skills
Maybe, maybe not on this one.
241 #2: hunting -> Hunting
redundant with #1
241 #4: brigand leader -> Brigand Leader
not sure about this
241 #5: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
241 #6: longer , -> longer,
247 #1: 80 GC? That is way more that you can carry; is this correct?
It is correct. Just because you can't take them doesn't mean they wouldn't have them. They are Brigands after all ;) .
248 #1: Elder-magi -> Elder Magi
as everywhere else
should have been 288
249 #1: power of animal control -> power of Animal Control
249 #2: animal control -> Animal Control
redundant with #1
250 #1: rock, shaped like -> rock shaped like
250 #2: vortexi -> Vortexi
250 #3: Then, as -> Then as
253 #1: legacy of vashna, page 164 and 253, missing dias puzzle illustrations...
Actually should be in 235.
254 #1: domain, a temperature -> domain: a temperature
254 #2: beast approaching. -> beast approaching from.
Sounds better IMO.
254 #3: arrow -> Arrow
x2
255 #1: The runic disc -> The Runic Disc
Special item: should be capitalized.
255 #2: runic disc -> Runic Disc
redundant with #1
256 #1: north-easterly direction. -> northeasterly direction.
257 #1: Black corvayl: -> Black Corvayl
Capitalize both words for an opponent?
257 #2: corvayl -> Corvayl
redundant with #1
260 #1: fleeing Vythaz herd -> fleeing vythaz herd
I tend to agree, but that's not how the books have been written this far. Someday, it may be good to go back and change this (I mean "Jackal"?!) but that is not today. *wink*
260 #2: herd of Vythaz -> herd of vythaz
Not a race but an animal.
261 #1: enter the shadow gate -> enter the Shadow Gate
263 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
264 #1: reflexes are pain-dulled -> reflexes are pain dulled
Modifies reflexes, so no hyphen when it appears after the noun, correct?
Hmm... noun-adjective modifier I believe is OK to hyphenate.
264 #2: erect a psi-screen -> erect a Psi-screen
267 #1: See 54 re Cadak's immunities
268 #1: six rounds, by -> six rounds by
268 #2: Vakovarian brigands: -> Vakovarian Brigands:
269 #1: Brotherhood spell of -> Brotherhood Spell of
We always capitalize Discipline when directly associated with the use of one, why not Spell when listed with one?
269 #2: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
272 #2: The hardened steel tip of your Arrow penetrates the roof of the creature's mouth and skewers its brain.
Don't need the capital A
273 #1: the legacy of vashna, page 273, text seems to have some code visible: There is a terrific jb: crack! Crack! as the tip penetrates the energy wall and, with a breathtaking suddenness, the wall disappears.
273 #2: Crack!
encode as onomatopoeia
274 #1: fire-escape ladder -> fire escape ladder
275 #1: acolyte Elders -> Acolyte Elders
275 #2: tracking -> Tracking
natural tracking instincts
276 #1: Sun Knight, or higher -> Sun Knight or higher
277 #1: humble-but-honest -> humble but honest
277 #2: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
281 #1: has just seen a ghost. -> had just seen a ghost.
Sounds better imo
Matches present tense of sentence.
281 #2: the first-floor window -> the first floor window
I can't remember what we decided on this one, but dictionary.com doesn't list it with a hyphen.
283 #1: Sun Lord, or higher, -> Sun Lord,
This is currently the highest rank available.
284 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
285 #1: fast-flowing -> fast flowing
Modifies River Storn, but comes after the noun. Should be no hyphen, yes?
286 #1: chasm of doom -> Chasm of Doom
Not sure, but would this be capitalized if it were another accepted name for the proper noun "Maakengorge"?
286 #2: a shadow gate which -> a Shadow Gate which
287 #1: 'F' sure -> 'F'sure
unsure about this one
Not incorrect enough for me to correct. *smile*
287 #2: gold crowns -> Gold Crowns
288 #1: Elder-magi -> Elder Magi
as everywhere else
288 #2: Gloar. ->
Should be italicized, it is in the book. Companion wouldn't let me use brackets to put the i's in.
288 #3: the power-word of -> the Power-Word of
Capitalizing spells? Also may need italics
I'm not convinced that this is a spell.
288 #4: Gloar
encode as Spell
Is it a spell?
288 #5: "Gloar" - should this be italicised?
290 #1: belt pouch -> Belt Pouch
unsure about this one
293 #1: backpack -> Backpack
293 #2: The reader might think that the Meals restore EP too (which I assume that they don't). Footnote?
Maybe they do?
294 #1: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
296 #1: ever-nearer to the storm. -> ever nearer to the storm.
297 #1: your tracking skills -> your Tracking skills
Again: maybe or maybe not.
297 #2: Guardian, or higher, -> Guardian or higher,
297 #3: tracking -> Tracking
redundant with #1
300 #1: camouflage skills, -> Camouflage skills,
Maybe, maybe not. Thought I'd mention it anyway.
300 #2: camouflage -> Camouflage
redundant with #1
302 #1: Kai pathsmanship Discipline -> Kai Pathsmanship Discipline
-or- Magnakai Pathsmanship Discipline
My own pref is the second one since Pathsmanship is a Magnakai Discipline.
302 #2: pathsmanship -> Pathsmanship
redundant with #1
304 #1: Thok -> thok
as 2x in 13tplor; actually, this should be <quote>thok</quote> as in 13tplor 225
We should correct 13tplor
304 #2: Thok -> thok
encode as onomatopoeia
redundant with #1
304 #3: a loud Thok!
In the text, the word Thok! (is that a word?;)) is italicized.
It's onomatopoeia and should be encoded as such. There are no real rules governing onomatopoeic words since they're all made up! ;-)
redundant with #1
304 #6: brigand leader -> Brigand Leader
304 #7: Thok!
encode as onomatopoeia
redundant with #1
304 #8: Vakovarian brigands -> Vakovarian Brigands
304 #9: "with a loud Thok!" (house style?)
redundant with #1
305 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
306 #1: corvayl -> Corvayl
307 #1: Magnakai pathsmanship skills -> Magnakai Pathsmanship skills
307 #2: north-easterly direction -> northeasterly direction
I could be wrong about this one, but thought I'd at least mention it.
307 #3: pathsmanship -> Pathsmanship
redundant with #1
308 #1: weapon -> Weapon
unsure about this
311 #1: energy comes arching -> energy comes arcing
Never seen "arching" energy or electricity, it's always "arcing". Just my thoughts. . . ;)
312 #1: brigand captain's -> Brigand Captain's
314 #1: Elder is wide-eyed -> Elder is wide eyed
Not sure if the hyphen rule applies to this one or not.
Hyphenated seems to be in general use.
315 #1: the king's death -> the King's death
Important office title capitalized here?
I think capitalising King is probably best in this instance because it is talking about a specific King; it's not a general term.
316 #1: token -> Token
or, Black Token
318 #1: the shadow gate. -> the Shadow Gate.
319 #1: rank of Kai Grand Mastership, -> rank of Kai mastery,
I can't think of anywhere else that a choice was phrased that way, does this seem odd to anyone else? Everything else I saw was Kai mastery.
I think we decided before to leave occurrences of 'Grand Mastership', although it is a weird phrase.
319 #2: Huntmastery and have reached the Kai rank of Grand Guardian, or higher, -> Huntmastery, and have reached the Kai rank of Grand Guardian or higher,
319 #3: without trace. -> without a trace.
Never heard it that way before. Could be me. . .
The original is probably a UK variant. 'Vanished without trace' is quite acceptable.
319 #4: Guardian, or higher -> Guardian or higher
319 #7: Kai rank of Grand Guardian -> rank of Kai Grand Guardian
This occurs in multiple places throughout the book, and doesn't seem too odd.
319 #8: gulley -> gully
as elsewhere, occurs twice (once in the caption)
322 #1: acolyte Elder -> Acolyte Elder
324 #1: vortexi -> Vortexi
325 #1: safety of the ruins, by turning -> safety of the ruins by turning
Leads to an ambiguous statement: who's turning the to 275, you or the acolyte? *grin*
325 #2: acolytes of Vashna -> Acolytes of Vashna
326 #1: Grand Guardian, or higher, -> Grand Guardian or higher,
327 #1: circle of stalagtites -> circle of stalactites
Stalactites hang from a ceiling or wall, stalagmites rise from a floor. No such thing as stalagtites.
327 #2: young teenage girl -> young, teenage girl
unsure about this one
327 #3: semi-circular -> semicircular
as in the PAMoS
Occurs on a line-break
330 #3: arrows -> Arrows
x3
332 #1: This section assumes you have 1 GC, but you may have spent all your money already...
334 #1: automatons -> Automatons
x2
334 #2: Kai Blast -> Kai-blast
also, italicised in original--unnecessary IMHO
336 #1: corvayl -> Corvayl
337 #1: Magnakai pathsmanship skills -> Magnakai Pathsmanship skills
337 #2: pathsmanship -> Pathsmanship
redundant with #1
338 #1: your sixth sense warns -> your Sixth Sense warns
Yes, no, maybe?
338 #2: sixth sense -> Sixth Sense
unsure about this one
redundant with #1
339 #1: first-floor ruins -> first floor ruins
I think the original hypenated form is OK here.
I'd never seen it that way, and dictionary.com didn't recognize it either, so I would still recommend the latter. Just my thoughts.
Ambiguity: ruins of the first floor or first ruins of the floor.
339 #2: first-floor ruins -> first floor ruins
redundant with #1
340 #2: black corvayl -> Black Corvayl
341 #1: towards the north-east. -> towards the northeast.
Just suggesting. . .
341 #2: a north-easterly route -> a northeasterly route
Again, not sure on this one.
A ruling on hyphenated (or not) compass points would be a welcome addition to the MoS.
342 #1: insignia identify him -> insignia identifies him
342 #2: trees so you -> trees, so you
342 #3: acolyte of Vashna -> Acolyte of Vashna
342 #4: gulley -> gully
as elsewhere
343 #1: your sixth sense -> your Sixth Sense
Yes, no, maybe. . . I don't know.
343 #2: sixth sense -> Sixth Sense
unsure about this one
redundant with #1
344 #1: skim the tree-tops -> skim the treetops
345 #1: the shadow gate and -> the Shadow Gate and
345 #2: forwards on to -> forwards onto
345 #3: shadow gate -> Shadow Gate
redundant with #1
347 #1: jackal -> Jackal
x2
348 #1: skills of invisibility -> skills of Invisibility
348 #2: invisibility -> Invisibility
redundant with #1
348 #3: Brigand leader -> Brigand Leader
348 #4: 'Mind Charm' -> Mind Charm
and encode as Spell
350 #1: consumed ... everything, -> consumed . . . everything,
Appears the ellipses are not spaced correctly, but I may be wrong.
I think this might be caused by an extra space before the encoded ellipsis.
350 #2: collapsing shadow gate -> collapsing Shadow Gate
350 #3: the shadow gate and -> the Shadow Gate and
Errata #1: In Lone Wolf Club Newsletter 24: 'In -> Lone Wolf Club Newsletter 24 states: 'In
I think it sounds better this way.
Errata #2: Disc'both -> Disc' both
Errata #3: 'ENDURANCE' according to Lone Wolf Club Newsletter 24 -> 'ENDURANCE' as per Lone Wolf Club Newsletter 24
Personal preference, perhaps, but I think it sounds better this way.
Errata #4: (223) Replaced both occurrences of 'gulley' with 'gulley'.
I guess the error is obvious
Errata #5: (283) Removed ', or higher' from 'Sun Lord, or higher'since Sun Lord is the highest available rank in this book.
space missing between higher' and since
Errata #6: (340) Replaced 'T'as' with ''T'' -> Replaced 'T'as' with ''T'as'
Errata #7: The drunkard errata item for 185 seems to be the reverse of the actual change.
Table of Illustrations #1: The Action Chart and the map are not in the same order as in the XML file (and thus in the index too)... (well, my scripts complain about this :-)
Questions
ridge-backed jackal vs. Ridge-backed Jackal (11, 208)?
brigand(s) vs. Brigand(s)? (i.e. 113)
acolyte(s) vs. Acolyte(s)? (i.e. 126)
Kai mastery vs. Kai Mastery? (i.e. 193)